The Magic of Three Day Weekends

Do you know why God made three day weekends? Because it couldnt get all that rain packed in just two days. This year we are going to do things differently in my house....okay..we are always doing that but I am determined this year to pack up everything for camping this weekend. Drive to the gas station and fill up. Then because we will be broke to drive back home and set the tent up. I wont wait for the rain this time. I will haul out the hose and spray the tent and all our clothes and belongings until drenched. Then we can pretend we went camping and the end result of a three day weekend of the past few years will be no different.

Taylor Hicks won American Idol last night. Thank you very much. Now I can quit explaining to people that my son's name is not just a girls name. When asked how he managed to win by reporters I hope his answer was "By not becoming Paula Abdul's favorite."
Then a good portion of the country watched the last hour of Lost. Few answers there. It was like asking "So what do you think of the performance Paula?"

My last little tidbit in updating this today is that scientist claim that liquorice is an afrodiasiac.
To which Micheal Jackson is to have said upon hearing the news..."DING DING..We have a winner!" Enjoy the weekend everyone.

The magic of the english language and Immigration.

Tonite the President of the U.S. will address the nation on immigration. Why so many would still like to come to this country and try to learn to speak our language is beyond me.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese, so one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
I do think I have the answer to the problem of immigration. A thousand years ago the Chinese built a wall protecting thier border just as it has been suggested that we dol. I think thier idea works. How many Mexicans have you seen in China?


PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"? You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.

The magic of celebrity!

I must admit that being even a local radio celebrity has had its perks from time to time but some people take things overboard.
It's the old story of celebrity -- or wannabe celebrity not getting the service or treatment he or she thinks should be afforded because of his or her "status." You've heard it a million times; "what do you mean I have to wait to be seated? Don't know who I am?" I know, it sounds ridiculous, but this current situation a congresswoman finds her in, to me, sound just like that to me.

Here's the situation in a nutshell. Rep. Cynthia McKinney, democrat from Georgia, was entering the capitol building in Washington, D.C. last week. She did NOT have any identification in view and was NOT wearing her congressional pin which would be identification enough to allow her to bypass capitol security. The story goes that a police officer asked her to stop not once, not twice, but at least three times before grabbing her by the arm. When he did that, the congresswoman punched the officer.
Forgetting what would happen to one of us, who are not congress people if we were to do the same thing, this legislator not only doesn't think she did anything wrong, she thinks she was wronged. Seriously!

You see, the congresswoman is African-American, and feels she was profiled. Listening to her explain the depth of the wrong done to her is not easy to swallow. She waivers between anger over allegedly being profiled to distain over how the officer didn't recognize her. Here's where the title of this blog comes into play. She literally is beside herself because this cop didn't know who she was.

Again, she had nothing in view that would suggest to anyone that she is, in fact, a congresswoman. There are well over 400 representatives in the House in Washington, and Congresswoman McKinney thinks every capitol police officer should know every representative by face and by name. That's a little ridiculous. She truly feels this person did something wrong by not knowing who she was by sight. Further, she's had a make-over recently and has a very different hairstyle. She insists that shouldn't matter and that the officer still should have known who she is. To really add a ludicrous exclamation at the end of this story, McKinney adds that she's one of only 14 black women in the House and that should be reason enough for the officer to have known who she is. This woman is completely unreasonable, illogical and is disserving her constituents.

This officer is there to protect lawmakers like her. She should have thanked him rather than punched him.

Because of her alleged violence against this officer, McKinney now may face charges. If it happened as reported, she should.

The Magic of GOLF

Hauled out the clubs this weekend to bring back my swing from the grave.

1. Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: " Do you think you can keep your head down thatlong?"

2. Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

3. Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

4. Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."

5. Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so, sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

6. Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

7. Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good, sir, but, personally, I prefer golf."

8. Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

9. Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

10. Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.".