Perchance to Love Again
Today one of my co-workers asked me for advice. Advice about women. Now, before you piss your pants laughing, read on.
The man that asked for advice is my age or very well near it. His problem with the woman in question is one that has puzzeled us all for all long time. He has been searching for the perfect mate to love and does not know anylonger what is real and what is fabricated or shielded from him.
Like me he has been married twice already and is now seeing another woman looking for the same things....the same qualities that he looked before. Looking for those things we all seem to want but very few find. Dedication, passion, trust, and the famous "too numerous to mention."
For those of you who have found those things all in one person. Congratulations. For those that are still looking perhaps you should stick around for the ending.
I offer to you a different side. That being a side of constant contemplation of what love is.
My own perspective of love has changed over the years as I have grown older, as I have now gone through two marriages.
With each passing of those relationships I learned and I grew. I questioned not only the motives behind each break up but threw blame primarily on me both during and afterwards true or not.
Blaming myself so that I would spend countless hours contemplating how the next time I could make it better. How I could perhaps find if even by chance the perfect mate.
Carolyn and I have now been together nearly 7 years. Could she be the perfect mate? Could I
be hers?
Certainly this time the relationship grew easier for me than the previous two. Was it because we knew each other for 4 years prior for a total of 11 years?
What advice could I give another man in his search for his perfect mate when I dont know whether I have found mine or not. The advice is not easily given by most if put in the same situation. The answers most would give are pale or even avoided by most.
My answer to his question and what I hope is good advise actually came to me from conversation with my eleven year old earlier this summer. A reference to my age was involved of which I calmly stated that I was old. John-Taylor quickly offered a rebuttal. "Your not old Daddy! Now my Mom and Mark. (his step-father) Now that's old." At the time a broad smile entered my brain but never my exterior for my son to see. That night I ran the conversation over and over again like a video tape. It was late into the night when everyone else was asleep that I realized that despite my faults my son saw a totally different picture of me than did his mother or even myself. And in that small conversation came a true test of love no matter the who, what or when.
"Love is not finding the perfect person but seeing an imperfect person perfectly."
Thats the advice I gave my friend at work today. All from a conversation that started with my son.
That type of magic is some I could always use some more of.
The man that asked for advice is my age or very well near it. His problem with the woman in question is one that has puzzeled us all for all long time. He has been searching for the perfect mate to love and does not know anylonger what is real and what is fabricated or shielded from him.
Like me he has been married twice already and is now seeing another woman looking for the same things....the same qualities that he looked before. Looking for those things we all seem to want but very few find. Dedication, passion, trust, and the famous "too numerous to mention."
For those of you who have found those things all in one person. Congratulations. For those that are still looking perhaps you should stick around for the ending.
I offer to you a different side. That being a side of constant contemplation of what love is.
My own perspective of love has changed over the years as I have grown older, as I have now gone through two marriages.
With each passing of those relationships I learned and I grew. I questioned not only the motives behind each break up but threw blame primarily on me both during and afterwards true or not.
Blaming myself so that I would spend countless hours contemplating how the next time I could make it better. How I could perhaps find if even by chance the perfect mate.
Carolyn and I have now been together nearly 7 years. Could she be the perfect mate? Could I
be hers?
Certainly this time the relationship grew easier for me than the previous two. Was it because we knew each other for 4 years prior for a total of 11 years?
What advice could I give another man in his search for his perfect mate when I dont know whether I have found mine or not. The advice is not easily given by most if put in the same situation. The answers most would give are pale or even avoided by most.
My answer to his question and what I hope is good advise actually came to me from conversation with my eleven year old earlier this summer. A reference to my age was involved of which I calmly stated that I was old. John-Taylor quickly offered a rebuttal. "Your not old Daddy! Now my Mom and Mark. (his step-father) Now that's old." At the time a broad smile entered my brain but never my exterior for my son to see. That night I ran the conversation over and over again like a video tape. It was late into the night when everyone else was asleep that I realized that despite my faults my son saw a totally different picture of me than did his mother or even myself. And in that small conversation came a true test of love no matter the who, what or when.
"Love is not finding the perfect person but seeing an imperfect person perfectly."
Thats the advice I gave my friend at work today. All from a conversation that started with my son.
That type of magic is some I could always use some more of.
posted by John | 10:55 PM
1 Comments:
A good thought. Will and I have been together going on 16 years and I can honestly say that it gets better every day. Not every day is perfect or even great, but he and I are blessed and know it.
dea
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